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So today I was on the bus, trying to get home after class. Even though the weather and life in general sucks, I was feeling all right because I had my warm turquoise moose pajamas on, and the line to get Sbarro’s pizza was short enough for me to get a slice of Supreme before dashing off to catch the bus on time.
I found a seat next to a window. I started reading Chekhov, but the bus driver was driving so erratically that it was nearly impossible to hold my book and clutch my box of pizza at the same time. So I put my book away and commenced “people-watching.” It’s really interesting to watch someone when they don’t know you’re looking at them. Not in a peeping tom sort of way. But anyways…
In acting class last Friday we were supposed to embody certain elements found in nature. At first everyone represented the elements in a literal sense, that is, when Heather shouted “WATER!” we’d act as if we were swimming. Then, she told us to dig into our brains, and personify the elements and create a human character with them. When Heather shouted, “MUD,” I slumped back on the ground and let my gut and my tongue hang out and I messed up my hair and stared blankly at the ground.
Back to today.
So when I was sitting on the bus, everyone looked like MUD to me. Which is a curious concept considering that we are essentially made from dirt. And dirt and water equals mud, but that’s going off on another tangent. So everyone looked pretty sad. They looked wilted. Like sad little flowers.
So, thinking I would bring some sunshine into their lives, I drew an enormous happy faced sun on the foggy window next to me. Some people looked up and stared at the picture. I shrank back into my seat and gauged their reactions out of the corner of my eye.
And they just flopped back onto their seats and continued their muddy existences.
Which made me giggle. And that’s all that matters.
HAHA! THE END!!
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Some MITCH HEDBERG quotes for everybody on this dreary day:
On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laidback company. They said "Screw it. Cut em up."
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" Then he said "How many of you feel like animals?" And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...
If carrots made you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.
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